Side Projects

Hollywood Assistants like side projects. Ambition is something you must possess in great quantities in order to survive in this town. Otherwise what’s the point of putting up with the long hours, low pay, and mundane tasks you must do everyday? Let’s face it: for most of us, our jobs are incredibly uncreative. 3-hole-punch. Staple. Update phone sheet. Shred. Repeat. So in hopes of reigniting that artistic spark that Los Angeles so desperately tries to extinguish within them, many Assistants take on a side project to help satisfy their creative yearnings.

It’s no secret that nearly everyone in town is plotting their next move. The cliché is that every waiter who is serving you an amuse bouché down on Third Street is, in actuality, an “actor” by trade and merely waiting tables until their big break hits. A lesser known, but equally prevalent, cliché is the assistant who actually wants to write, direct, produce, or do all three. Whereas the wannabe agents schmooze at drinks, collect business cards, and perfect the greasy Ari Gold vernacular (“I love YOU! You are THE BEST. I wanna be in the business of you.”), the wannabe creative types spend their precious free time amassing material that they are ready to show to anyone… should anyone ever ask. The most common incarnations of assistant side projects include:

1) Screenplays. The classic Chanel suit of something you do on the side. Assistants have been writing screenplays at their desks since the dawn of movie time. Did you know that The Wizard of Oz began as a spec adaptation that Louis B. Mayer found in the back of a filing cabinet? It wasn’t until halfway through production that he discovered that his secretary was the true screenwriter. And out of gratitude he gave her a promotion and a raise. (Ok, so I am totally making this up). In modern times, hundreds of assistants spend their days surreptitiously minimizing their call sheets and maximizing Final Draft while rolling with their bosses. Most of these scripts end up as coasters on the coffee tables of the kinder CE’s in town, but hey, at least they’re out there. Even if no one’s reading them.

2) Comedy Web Sites. The new age key to scoring a development deal. Nowadays it seems that every person has a “comedy” website – I put the term “comedy” in quotes because, let’s face it, 95% of these sites aren’t funny to anyone but their creator. Thanks to Youtube, PC & Mac-based editing suites, and relatively inexpensive digital videocams, any asshole can film his buddies doing a parody of Indiana Jones in their backyard and call himself a production company. After the shorts are uploaded, many anxious days are spent with fingers crossed that Judd Apatow will just happen to stumble across the site and make the creator a part of his gang. It should go without saying, but I will say it nonetheless to crush your burgeoning Hollywood dreams: Chances of this happening are pretty slim – although there are definite hilarious exceptions.

3) Trailers. For the producers and directors among us who lack the cash to make their indie masterpiece. If you can’t get your script past the studio gates and the $600 your parents promised to loan you won’t quite be enough to finance your budget, then why make a whole movie? You can instead make a trailer for a movie and use that as a selling tool. Those studio bigwigs will certainly drool over the special effects rigged by your stoner buddy with the unhealthy affection for all things George Lucas. If only you could get them to watch it…

4) Blogs. “Hello, Pot? Yes, this is Kettle. You’re black.” Not to point any fingers, but the need to find a creative outlet is a familiar feeling around the SHAL headquarters. Some of the great tv writers of our generation blog, including our personal favorite Mindy Kaling of The Office. What’s not to love about having a blog? Blogging is free, relatively easy, and you can find a built-in readership by pimping your blog on your Gchat status. And you get to spend countless hours finding fun pictures of LOLCats and presidential interns on Google Image. Do you see a downside?

When workplace monotony is getting you down, consider turning to your side project for a creativity wheatgrass shot. It will leave you reinvigorated and ready to tackle the Hollywood system. Well, for the next five minutes at least. Because every smart future Academy Award winner/television giant/indie mogul knows that exercising your creative juices now will only help you in the long run.

WHERE: Macbooks open to Final Draft in coffee shops all over LA, friend’s backyards, Blogger
COST: Consider the investment in your future. You’ll make this money back some day.